Friday, June 9, 2017

June 9

I'm alone with my five littles for four days.  James, Layla, and Josiah went up to Oregon to Ian's college graduation.  It's so weird.  When I started this blog, Ian was only 12. Time goes by so fast. I'm really sad that I can't be with them. Layla posted a picture from her breakfast at a restaurant this morning and it made me cry. I felt incredibly goofy, sobbing over that picture, but it was just the thought of everything. The past 15 years. It was all leading up to this moment, Ian's graduation.  I mean, of course it was leading up to other stuff too, but this is a biggie. I became his mom when he was 6 and I taught him to read and I learned to be a mom and I homeschooled him and, just, he's all accomplished now.  It's really wonderful. But I'm here with the babies and not there. It's just a bit bittersweet.

I wrote this on facebook:

Ian Hughes I met your dad when you were 6 and I was 18. When I met you, you told me you had no mom, your middle name was "C," but you wished that it was Christopher, and asked if I was going to be your mom. And then I turned 19, became your mom, and was not the greatest mom because hey, I was only 19 and you were already 6. I had a brother your age. I'm sure I freaked my parents out, but they all always loved me and didn't act crazy, and they all always loved you too. It's kind of funny to think about now.
Your dad has literally been the hardest working person I know, he started working at age 15, when you were born. So he kept working, and I was suddenly your mom the year after I graduated high school, and we were just not your typical American family. But we were all pretty rad (still are, duh) and slowly we found our way.
Homeschooling you was super fun because you were a stubborn ass 😜 and debated a lot with the authors you read and had a special copy of The Iliad that you pulled off the shelf once a week to dust and pet, and you fell in love with Lorna Doone and read it every Christmas and were determined to name your first daughter Agnes after David Copperfield. When you homeschool a kid and they go to college, it's like this extra special thing, because you feel like you did an okay job and didn't suck. So when you went to college I patted myself on the back, job well done teacher mom.
But then you were gone and that left a hole. We all missed you and your sarcasm and negativity and off the wall opinions so much. But that's the circle of life (Nants ingonyama bagithi baba...) And now you're graduating from college. Like, you get to check the yes box on the "Do you have a bachelor's degree," question on job applications. That's pretty fantastic. You've done so great and I get to be so proud because I get to be your mom.
So happy graduation. I love you!!!!! 

It's all good. Truly. 
I'm here with the babies and we are enjoying ourselves. Watching movies, taking walks, cleaning together.  It's been a sweet and simple time, no outside classes, no having to drive teens to hang outs, just us at home, just being, the way it used to be. So it's all good. I'm enjoying this time.

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